There are a lot of things in this beautifully fucked up world that could be the reason for that deep-rooted, gut feeling we all get. For me, it's everything. Everything in this world gives me anxiety. But this time in specific, it's the thought of me possibly being ignored by the only person I truly love. And before you think this is just some made-up story, it's not. This is real life. As I'm typing this, I'm having an anxiety attack and need to get my feelings and thoughts typed out so people can hopefully get an understanding of what anxiety is like. Now let's begin.

We'll start with yesterday. New Year's Eve. A great day for billions around the world. A day to prepare for a fresh start. For me, it was a day filled with anxious thoughts and fear of the year to come. My partner was with some of his friends and I was at home with my family. I called him close to midnight so I could at least be on the phone with him going into the new year. After we hung up, he said he'd call me back when he got home so we could say goodnight to each other without being interrupted. A few hours go by and he hasn't called or texted so I messaged him and reminded him to call just in case he forgot. He didn't message back so I figured he was still busy. A few more hours go by and I messaged him again letting him know if I don't answer when he calls, I'm probably asleep. I couldn't sleep and it was probably around 4 or 5 am by the time I was actually able to sleep. When I woke, I didn't have any missed calls from him and no messages. I figured he had immediately fallen asleep when he got home so I sent him my normal good morning text and fell back asleep. I knew he had work today so I didn't bother him when I woke back up.

By 8 pm I started to get really worried because I hadn't heard from him at all. The anxiety set in and I started freaking out. I called him and his phone was going straight to voicemail. At first, I thought his phone died and he didn't have anywhere to plug it in, but it kept happening. I called him at around 9:30 and it still went straight to voicemail. I called him a few more times and still nothing. Around 10:15, he called me back and apologized. He had been busy today and his phone did actually die. He knew it caused me a lot of anxiety and kept apologizing. Anxiety is a literal hell. Anxiety causes you to think the worst is always happening. Anxiety is a bitch.

I think the moral of the story is, don't fall in love if you have anxiety. It can turn everything they do or don't do into the worst thought imaginable. And if you do fall in love and have anxiety, prepare for lots of terrible thoughts.